You know, I've never really thought all that much of myself. Back when I was younger, I had horrible self-esteem. Growing up in a rich town and not having and abundance of money was tough. I learned to be content with what we had, but that didn't ease the pain of the words from those who thought they were better than me because they had things. I'm sure they are great people...as a matter of fact, I know they are great people, but I was not like them and therefore easy to pick on. Let's face it, that's what kids do. Anyhow, hearing words from people that were harsh began to form the thoughts that I had about myself. Once I became a believer, the Lord revealed to me what HE thought of me. This started my journey toward healing.
Most people who know me today, don't believe that I once had horrible self-esteem. Not that I'm all full of myself, but I am assured of what God thinks of me...and His is the only opinion that matters. That being said, it is still quite difficult to accept a compliment from others. And it's also hard to believe people when they say how much of a difference I've made in their walk with the Lord. In April I went on a Walk to Emmaus. I can't really describe it except to tell you it changed my life. The biggest effect on me was all the love showered on me by people I did and didn't know. I was given many notes of encouragement by many of my friends. Let me just tell you...it was, wow. I can't even think of a word to describe how amazing it was. So on those days that I begin to listen to what the enemy has to say about me, I pull out these letters and reassure myself (and him) what God and all these people think of me. I also think that reading these letters help me to realize that God thinks that I AM worthy to do His work. I really don't feel like a leader, but I know that God has called me to be. I read these letters and realize how much of an impact my life and my walk has had on others...and it helps me to get back where I'm supposed to be. Back on the path carrying His mantle...
Here are a few words written that really impacted me...and still do.
"You have a compassion and a love for people not seen in most."
"I am so thankful that God put you in my life, so I could see what a true friend is. You genuinely care for everyone and that makes you truly special."
"Praying for you has stirred my spirit and I feel your love for the Lord."
"You are such a strong, bold daughter of God! Thank you for being a great example!"
I know that these words may not seem all that profound to anyone but me, but WHO they came from...that blows me away! People that I look up to, didn't even know or never even thought I impacted in any way. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to toot my own horn, just letting you know what helps to get me through those down days...
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Col 3:12-14
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