I am a mother to two young(ish) children. I say 'ish' because it feels as though the next time I close my eyes, I'm going to open them to find both of my daughters grown, married and with children...especially my oldest. She is on the threshold of tweendom...eek! Her birthday, as she keeps reminding me, is in 19 days. She will be 11. Where did those years go? She has grown into a very beautiful, talented, God-fearing young lady. This makes my heart smile! But, as with all things in life, with the ups come the downs.
She is my oldest. Every step she takes forward, we are taking together...for the first time. Her as a child/tween/teen, and me as a parent of said child/tween/teen. This journey is hard for her...but it's hard for me, too. What makes it even harder, for me, is that I feel as though I have to work so hard on having a relationship with her. Not because of the stage of life she is in, but it's always been this way. My bond with her doesn't feel natural. I don't know if it is because she is my first child. Or if it's because I was young when I had her. Or some combination of the both...but either way, I have to work hard at feeling connected to her. And I know if I feel this way, she does too...and that hurts me.
That being said, I've committed to working hard to make sure my children feel loved at home, by me. I know that this is crucial to their social development, education and spiritual growth. I want them to be successful adults who don't struggle in showing and receiving love to and/or from others. I began reading The Five Love Languages of Children a few years ago, but never got completely through it. After a rough time with my Big Girl, I decided to re-read it to help me show my children how much I love them. I was sure I had both of the girls figured out. I decided to give them a little quiz to pinpoint their primary love languages. Neither of their responses were exactly what I expected. Angel's were close, but Big Girl's were WAY different. I thought I wasn't expressing love to her in what I thought was her primary language. But what was really happening was I was wrong about her primary. Oy!
Now that I know which direction to go, I can try to better express my love to the girls. This will still be a difficult journey because their primary languages are not mine. I will have to step out of my comfort zone to show them I love them. But isn't that what parenting is all about? Being uncomfortable for the sake of your children's well-being? Leading by example?
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2
2 comments:
Keep at it! DO you know how many parents never even realize this until its TOO LATE. Keep reading books. Asking questions. You can do this! YOU AND DAWN are worth it.
Bill has had the same issues with Jay through the years and he had to push himself every single time because it just didnt come natural. Jay is a sports/hunting kinda kid and Bill is a Project Runway, book kinda person. Through all of the years, BIll had to go out of his comfort zone like ... every single time. I can honestly say, now at 18, there is a bond between them and a respect that you just cant put into words.
Jay has even mentioned he knows his dad always tries to reach him where he is at... Dawn will notice too!!! Believe me. It doesnt happen overnight. Nor in a year, but you will see.
Never waiver and stay on top of this. Once you have children, its your calling to enrich them- whatever way possible.
You got this... You got this!
Thanks for the encouragement Deana! Some days I wonder if the brick wall will break from all the head banging that's happening! Then there are other days that are great. But, you are right, I can do this!
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